FOX News Does it Better

FOX News is clearly superior to ABC, CBS, NBC and all the other yay-hoo networks.

 No where else will you see red, white and blue screens, Battlefield Earth-esque sound effects, vacant, smiling totally hot, totally boneable anchorettes and angry, corn-fed objective anchors.

 But my pinko, tree hugging, panty wetting, Hilary humping friends think I’m living in a dream world.

 It is true that all four networks have the same goal in mind—to simultaneously entertain, terrify and sell more anti-depressants than its competitor. Thus cause explosive diarrhea and anal drip to viewers across the United States. The end result? Depressed, terrified puddles of human flesh who are too terrified to leave their house for fear of pooping their pants on the way to work. 

 Sure, FOX, ABC, CNN, NBC all show infotainment. But Fox is the infotainiest of them all. Fox leaves me more terrified and more angry than any other news channel. I have more drool foaming at the corners of my mouth and shit in my pants at the end of Hannity and Colmes than I do after Anderson Cooper 360.

 Good journalism is what I want it to be. Fox caters to my viewpoint and political leaning. Fox isn’t concerned with the truth. Truth? Ha, that’s for the commie, elitist liberals at PBS.