Overdose--A Tragic Tale
My friend's name is Sammy Shortzman, but we all call him "Bazooka Joe." Or should I say, we all called him Bazooka Joe. You see, my friend Bazooka Joe overdosed on pot. Pot is a terrible, terrible drug. He brought some to my house one day, but I said, "No way Jose." Even though I am not Mexican and neither is Bazooka Joe. It is a figure of speech. Bazooka Joe said that his favorite astronomer, Carl Sagan couldn't recommend pot enough, and since Bazooka Joe wanted to be a quantum physicist he thought he should try some, too.
But once he started he couldn't stop.
He just kept smoking and smoking and smoking. It only took one toke and he was addicted. Addicted for life. We all screamed for him to stop, but he wouldn't. He just kept smoking until his eyes got really droopy, even more droopy than Towlie on South Park.
And then it was like a switch went off in his head. He started talking about String theory and Tool and politics. It was the craziest thing. We screamed our head offs in terror as he blabbed on and on about String Theory's 11 dimensions and Maynard James Keenan's amazing vocals and the president of Iran's (Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) speech at Columbia University and its global implications. He just wouldn't shut up! We thought he was going to kill us! We stampeded from the den, and boarded him up in the room with two by fours. Then we went out in the living room to watch American Idol and drink Coke. We ignored Bazooka Joe's angry screams until they turned to muffled cries and eventual silence.
A few days later, we broke into the den, where "Bazooka Joe" had slipped into unconsciousness nearly a week before. We couldn't believe it! He was dead!! His cold, rotting, drug induced body stared stonily at me from the floor. Pot was Bazooka Joe's drug of choice and he had paid dearly for it--with his life. If he had chosen an amphetamine, like ritalin or cocaine instead, perhaps it wouldn't have been so easy for us to lock him up into a room. I vow never to do pot, because when you are high, you are lazy. And this is a bad thing, because when you get too lazy you don't have the energy to fight off people trying to lock you up to die a slow death in the family den.